Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take the gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go
And you can see my heart, beating
You can see it through my chest
Said I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
Say a prayer, to yourself
He says close your eyes,
Sometimes it helps
And then I get, a scary thought
That he’s here, means he’s never lost
And you can see my heart, beating
Oh you can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
OK so this is pretty much i feel during my Chinese Oral Exam, its a little exaggerated (especially the trigger part) but i think you get the picture.
Anyway, today was my 'o'leve chinese oral exam and my class entered the hall quite prepared. It was tense, especially when you are wearing a tie and holding your IC.
Cherie was the first one to take the exam and during her conversation, she purposely spoke with quite a loud voice, so we - despite being about 20 over metres away - can still roughly hear what she said. So we kind of guessed the topic, and discussed on it - with our fingers crossed that we hit the jackpot.
Well it was more that an hour later before it is my turn and as i see more of my friends disappearing from the waiting area, i get more tense and nervous. Then, it was my turn, i walked to the reading area where i had to sign some document, then once i touched the passage, i totally stiffened. We can consider it as a reflex action as i can't do anything about it.
The passage wasn't that difficult and there were only a few words that i'm unsure of. However, i was so nervous and shaky that I stumbled alot when i read the passage for the first time. The second time wasn't as bad but i found out that i read very slow. It was very intimidating, and it is very hard to calm myself down for some strange reason.
Qing Xiang was done with her oral exam and it was my turn to face my 'impending doom'. I greeted the teacher, still very tensed, and sat down and read the passage. First sensence: I don't know how to read 框框 and i said it as gui gui . Then next line - there seemed to be a blockage in my nervous system - i suddenly blacked out in the middle of the sentence and paused there for 3 odd seconds. The embarrassing part was that the next word was soo simple, I forgot the word but i know that it is a primary school word.
Fortunately the rest of the passage wasn't that bad, but my reading speed was a little too slow. Then, conversation. The male teacher talked about SMRT banning food consumption on trains. Phew! Something that i know. So i said that i agree with the decision as eating will...blah blah blah.
Suddenly, it seemed as if a terrible adrenaline rush just palpitated through my entire circulatory system. My whole body was like prepared to flee and i stiffened up even more. My shoulder were locked and my fist were clenched tightly.
Despite that i summoned up the courage to speak but my sentences were terribly broken. Although i didn't use english, my sentence construction wasn't there i had a hard time finding words to fill up my sentences.
The good thing is, i spoke quite a lot and i was quite satisfied with how much i wanna say. Although there were still some other stuff etched in my mind but maybe because i was to anxious i left it out. Nevermind.
Well thats pretty much it. Oh ya. The female examiner rolled her eys during the conversation :( I'm not really sure if she's really rolling her eyes but to me it seemed so. Its actually very demoralising seeing her do that. Hope i can score well. Half of me thinks that i can get a distinction but the other half does not. So i'm on the fence -.-
Ok bye.